Nature girl vs. Motivation

I get spammed by my Fit Bit.

I would think it was funny if I wasn't so irritated by the constant chime alert that it triggers on my phone. I can't really say that it is a bad thing, seeing all these messages from people who are so motivated to be healthier.  But the problem is, I am just not finding my source of motivation; and I don't just mean for fitness!

Motivation is supposed to be something that wells up from within. A source of instigation to change our individual circumstances for the better, in whatever way things need to change.  Some people need to eat better, get more exercise, change careers, move on from detrimental relationships, or see a change on their life path.  My trouble is that I can't seem to find that little spark to get the ball rolling!

For instance, I have been trying to write this one post for 2 1/2 WEEKS!

I seem to have just run out of metaphorical "gas"! To make things worse, I feel like I am standing at the pump to fill up and have suddenly forgotten where to put the hose. Deer trapped in headlights have a better chance of action than I do right now.

Don't get me wrong, I have established the parts of my life that need change and even made plans as to how to affect those changes. However, the part of those plans labeled "Day 1" seems impossible to execute. It seems like it should be remarkable easy to get up and walk 2 miles a day according to my fitbit, eat more veggies (I even bought them), work my business (Love me some Arbonne), and do baby things, but I just can't seem to get started effectively!

And out of all the things that frustrate me because they aren't happening, there is this little alert on my phone that goes off whenever someone posts on the Fit Bit message board and I get completely irrationally angry at all of these happy, fitness minded people, who keep posting encouragement and success stories of their goals achieved!

So my new plan is this. I'm not going to scrap the old plans, they are still good, but I'm going to refocus on changing my attitude. It sounds a little cliché, but I'm going to try and have the "Attitude of Gratitude". Every day I am blessed with a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, and food in the fridge but it is SO easy to move right past the blessings and onto the obstacles that I need to slow down and think, really think, about the good stuff!

For at least 5 minutes each day I am going to try and focus on the good things around me. Blessings, funny kids that make me laugh, friends (near and far), family, good food, and loads of opportunity! Hopefully, by reframing my life around the good, the obstacles to my inner motivations won't seem as daunting.

My happy thoughts for today? I'm going to bake a cake tonight, a fruity cake, with cream cheese frosting (a favorite) and hang out in a well worn sofa. And that's all I have to do.

...Nature girl

Jibjab the news

I tried to read the news yesterday, and I almost threw up.

MSN, Yahoo, Fox, Huffington Post, and even local news was a complete wash! All the stories were about storms, drama in basketball, celebrity babies, new cooking fads, and Sara Palin. It was almost like the real world didn't exist!

Does everyone know that we have had troops deployed to Jordan for the past year? Originally sent to bolster Jordan's troops against the conflict in Syria, they are now also training Iraqi soldiers in counter terrorism and we are supplying them with weaponry. Didn't the US do that once before? And didn't that lead to our soldiers getting shot by weapons the we sold to the other side?

What about Ukraine? Did anyone keep following that after Crimea voted to be part of Russia...not that I have found. I have to go to BBC.com and guess what? It is always one of their top stories! But nowhere to be found in our news media except in the other news sections at the bottom of the pages! The entire eastern region of Ukraine is in turmoil between pro-Russian factions and pro-Ukranian demonstrators, and getting more mand more dangerous by the day because of Russian propaganda, and militant groups. By the way, did you know that we sent troops to Europe too?

And then there's good old Korea. The south is experiencing the resignation of the PM over a sunken ferry that killed many of the 476 students and teachers on board. And the north is conducting live fire drills, and may be ramping up to a nuclear test despite UN objections!

And yet none of this is in news media rotation.

In talking to friends about the lack of news reported on "the news", I was referred to this video on YouTube:

At first I was amused, as it pretty much coincided with what I had found in the news. Then I realized that it wasn't really all that funny. Someone actually put this together, admittedly as a jab to mostly conservative media stations, and it has thousands of views. People are openly mocking our news circuits.

Do people realize, I wonder, how much of a laughing stock we must appear to other countries when what a bigoted man said to his girlfriend is top billing on our news programs? Or when we are more concerned with the release of the cast information for the new Star Wars film, than we are about our President saying we have an "ironclad" agreement with the Phillipines to defend them and their sovereignty from Chinese interest in outlying islands?

How foolish we must look. How sad.

...Nature girl

Why judge a person, when you can blame an animal?

Having pets (wether dogs, cats, fish, reptiles, herpes, rodents, or birds) is one of the most regarding relationships available to children and adults alike. However, like all relationships, there is a lot of responsibility that goes into them...or there should be.

Growing up surrounded by animals has been a joy for me. From infancy with my parents St. Bernard's, to fish in grade school, and a dog in high school, to a stray cat that adopted us, and finally to my very own puppy as an adult (not to mention the various wounded or abandoned animals I brought home along the way), animals of every variety have had a place in my heart.

But there is a difference between making sure that the fish has clean water and food, and the dog that needs training, playtime, walks, food and baths to be a normal well adjusted pet. And those responsibilities are not for everyone of all ages.

Especially around holiday times, there is a large uptick in adoptions and purchases of rabbits, cats, and dogs - and that is really disturbing to me. Pets aren't gifts, they are relationships, responsibilities, and above all should not be considered disposable (like we think of many gifts we receive these days)! And there is a huge disconnect when animals are treated and considered as objects rather than as the creations that they are.

I suppose that this has been rattling around in my head for a while because  of a teenage girl I see walking a chocolate lab in the park every night. She is always deeply engrossed in her phone, paying no attention to the dog, and walking him on a long leash where he pretty much goes wherever he wants. Now as a general rule I'm down for giving your dog the space to enjoy his nightly walk, the problem is that this dog is aggressive. He lunges at other dogs, stares down passing pedestrians, and has mental issues about skateboards - all completely unobserved until the fit starts by his teenager.

Now, everybody has a different style of pet ownership, and I accept that. I know that there are really rigid pet parents, really lax pet parents, and those that fall somewhere in the middle (like me). But when people say things like "that's just a bad dog, it should be put down!" or "don't you know pit bulls are too dangerous for families?" or "that cat is a menace! Why don't you get rid of it?" my first instinct is to say "well you're socially insensitive, why don't I get rid of you?"! 

Somewhere along the line, we, as a society, decided that it was easier to shift the blame for an ill mannered pet to the animal instead of the owner. Absolving the human of any harm inflicted on the animal by poor training, a lack of appropriate stimulation or socialization, and transferred it all to the unsuspecting and poorly prepared animal! What a disservice we do to not only the animal but also to teaching our children about responsibilities to others (human AND animal)!

Percy and I had to work really hard to get him to the 85% well behaved dog he is now, and we still work on the other 15% due to stressful changes and parental inconsistencies. I know  that my dog's behavior is DIRECTLY related to the work we do together to address his issues. It is my fault, not his, when he tears out into the yard to bark at passing dogs and people. It is my fault when he chews things up in the house because I left trash out, or didn't leave him something to do while I was gone, and I take responsibility for that.

Percy is a good dog, with a somewhat permissive owner...and it shows. But he is mine, and I love him, and I will work with him to make him into the best dog I can...every day...even when he is stubborn, and distracted, and grumpy. Because he is a reflection of me, and definitely not expendable or returnable!

...Nature girl

"selfies"

I think at this point everyone has heard the phrase "selfie"; The kind of picture you take of yourself with a cellphone or camera. It also ranks right up there in the useless verbiage column with "twerk" and "fo shizzle".

Now, to be clear, my problem is not with the word, or the people who use it/do it, but with the attitude behind it. I have the same problem with Twitter, and Instagram. The idea that people need to know (implied: want to know) what we are doing all the time, and see us doing it is such an over share of information!

Incessant picture taking is kinda my thing, I love to take pictures to remember who I was with and what I did and I even like sharing those pictures on places like Facebook! But unlike this guy...I am completely aware of my surroundings when I do it.

Listening to his iPod and trying to take a pouty, emo, photo to show off his "coolness" he almost ends up with a hole in his head from a passing train!

It seems that we, as a society (and I am not excluding myself here), are so concerned with what others think of us, that we have to prove something....even when we are all alone. I have no idea why, or when, we became so self conscious and desperate for outside validation but here we are, mired in this destructive cycle.

You can't imagine how shocked I was to find that not only is the general populace afflicted with this need for reassurance, but so is our supposed commander in chief and VP, Obama and Biden! Now, Obama has been taking selfies since he plugged in to social networking, this is not new news but now, it is showing up on my FB timeline as if it is something to be proud of and bragged about. That we have the "cool" president.

When my cousin joined the police academy he mentioned something sort of in passing and it has stuck with me (forgive me Brad, I will have to paraphrase because I don't remember your exact words...and if I get it wrong, blame me!), he said: If you end up on tv, as a cop, in an unnecessary gunfight or giving interviews and being a personality...you aren't doing your job properly. The job is protection, not fame.

I can't help but think that we have lost his sense of clarity and purpose, especially in the leadership and people of this country. If our concern is for how others perceive our actions, instead of the real ramifications of said actions, then we are doing it wrong. 

We have lost the plot of leading lives that we can be proud of.

I never really understood the question "What do you want to do with your life?". I realize now that I never really heard the question. I wanted to grow up and have friends, be liked, and have a family. I wanted to be in the medical field, and be successful, but not rich. I got asked that question a lot, and never really realized that people weren't asking how I wanted to be thought of, they were asking what I wanted to produce, what footprints I wanted to leave in life, how I wanted to live!

Now when I think of that question I love it; it's a challenge to me. It's reminding me that my actions have reactions and cause events in other people's lives...good and bad. It reminds me that people will think whatever they want to, and that doesn't change my goals, for my life. I don't want to be famous, I want to live a life that spreads blessings, big and little.

There should be a periodic gut check to everyone on the globe to make sure we are not letting other people make our decisions for us. That we are living honorable, productive, purposeful lives, geared toward bettering ourselves and those around us. Undisturbed...as much as possible...by deceit, shortcuts, social fronts, false or shallow reinforcements (Not to say that people don't need reinforcement, they just need it from people who actually care), and self aggrandizement.

Let's re-learn modesty, persistence, grace, and honesty, so that we can stop seeking outside affirmations...and taking selfies. 

...Nature girl

These are a few of my favorite things!

Now that you all have a song from The Sound of Music stuck in your heads, I want to walk you through a few of my favorite things, products, places....whatever. Mostly because I'm trying to figure out what makes me really happy.

There are things and places and people that everyone loves, but in this world where everything is a "favorite", "best" or "have to have"; how many of us know what our real favorites are?

I've been thinking about this today, because I balanced my check book today...something I hate doing and it got me thinking. 

See, I love walking in parks and harbors, they just make me relax. I adore ice cream on cold days so I can eat it burried in a blanket. I love baking, and crafting, and seeing my pup run so fast it's like he never touches the ground. I love baths, books, thunderstorms, and little kid birthday parties. I love coffee dates with girlfriends, and midnight shakes and chili fries at Harbor House, and my heart will pause for the sound and smell of rain. But to narrow it down to the things I really love, left me a little confused as to what to leave out, so I established some parameters.

First, it had to be a guaranteed happy result...100% of the time.
Second, it had to be one of those things that you are down to do anytime it is brought up.
Third, I have to have a specific memory attached to it (if it was good enough to make a memory for me I know it was great!)

So with these criteria, I came up with these "favorite things"...in no kind of order at all.

Walking in Dana Point Harbor...right before sunset. It's a small window, but in it, but the air changes, the people are out with their dogs, and you can hear the "ting ting ting" of rigging clips hitting the aluminum masts on the sail boats. The smell of the waves on the breakwater is crisp and salty on your lips and life is suddenly very simple...and sweet.

Impromptu meet ups with friends. That beautiful point at which your schedule and your friend's free up for 30 minutes at the same time. It's like a gift from heaven, and you can sit down and have coffee or tea, or just sit and talk! For those precious minutes, the only thing that matters is to laugh and talk and be present. There are no bills, no calls to make, no appointments to be at, no stress about work, and no troubles that can't be fixed with a latte or a hug.

A blank piece of paper. The possibilities that are contained in a piece of paper are miraculous! It could become a paper airplane, origami, a sheet of scribbles, a love note, or the start of a novel. It could be a cup where you pour your secrets, or a wadded up ball to play with the dog! The immense possibility contained within a new pad of paper, a notebook, or a sheet of copy paper are delightful and a joy to discover!

There are a handful more of my favorites, but I'm going to stop this before I get too far from the point that I am trying to make.

Sit quietly for a minute and think about what really brings you joy. There are millions of things that we fill our lives with, because we think our lives need filling! If we could all just cut away the filler and really look at the things that bring JOY, not just temporary fun, I think we just might be a little more balanced.

...Nature girl

Plowing through

Sometimes I want to write but I have no plan whatsoever. I just kind of plow through until I find something.

Plow through...what an odd saying, it makes me think of Little House on the Prarie. Odd jump there I know, but I loved those books growing up. I checked them out from the library constantly, eventually my parents got me the full set of all the books and I ate it up.  I was determined to cook a thanksgiving dinner like Ma and Laura did (Which was just a wee bit over my head at the time). I wanted to find an Almanzo of my very own, and we would live on a farm and raise kids and animals.

Now in defense of what sounds like a moderate obsession, I still want to live on a farm, I married a hardworking man, and we have a baby (on the way) and a dog. So not too different from what child me wanted.

My sister and I were both voracious readers, and we read far above our "reading level". However, the content of young adult literature was much less volatile in the 80's, or at least it seemed that way.

It is really disturbing to walk through a bookstore's young adult section now and see things like Twilight, Hunger Games and the Divergent series. Books that are about ancient vampires hanging out in high schools, kids killing kids (not to far from Lord of the Flies, I know, but the political undertones and the loss of childhood make it sinister in a different way), and post apocalyptic life! We had Sweet Valley High, and the Lioness series, and fantasy series like Narnia and the Belgariad! Books about the process of growing up, not kids that were already adults.

I feel like we are doing a disservice to our kids letting them read books (though the same could be said for movies too) about adult topics with the main characters being, essentially, children! What happened to kids enjoying the process of growing up? Why is it that kids, especially girls, jump from 8 to 28 in about 4 years?!

Now I'm not saying that some kids aren't prepared to be exposed to content like this. I have two nieces who are smart as whips and completely understand the concepts presented in some of these series. They know that it doesn't apply to them and to what is appropriate for their actions. But I also have kids around me all day that are 8 and 9 and think that they are old enough to make their own life choices.

It seems that the focus of children's books has become more about entertainment and less about teaching, which I think is sad.

Wether we like it or not, life is a process, a path to be traveled to the end. There is no skipping milestones or a smooth path around a bumpy section, and books that romanticize monsters and trials and traumatic events make it seem that the path will be magical and surreal. That intent is more than action and the ends justify the means.

Plowing through life is what gives it meaning, not meeting a monster and falling in love, or winning a contest and starting a bloody revolution. Try building a life from scratch, going on an epic hero quest, or fighting for what you know you were meant to be. That is what everyone needs to read!

...Nature girl

Restless

Restless

I love words, and I feel "restless" today. For whatever the reason I find relaxing beyond my ability. I felt drawn to look up restless in the bible to find out what was there, and this was what I got:

Deuteronomy 28:65-67
"Among those nations you shall find no rest, and there will be no resting place for the sole of your foot; but there the LORD will give you a trembling heart, failing of eyes, and despair of soul. "So your life shall hang in doubt before you; and you will be in dread night and day, and shall have no assurance of your life. "In the morning you shall say, `Would that it were evening!' And at evening you shall say, `Would that it were morning!' because of the dread of your heart which you dread, and for the sight of your eyes which you will see. 

Genesis 41:8
Now in the morning his spirit was troubled, so he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all its wise men. And Pharaoh told them his dreams, but there was no one who could interpret them to Pharaoh. 

(if you are curious, you can check out more, here.)

These are odd bible passage for me to be identifying with but there it is. I don't feel that I am being punished/cursed for not holding to God's commandments (Deut. 28), but I feel like there is something that I am missing. Something I'm not doing in order to feel the rest and calm that I normally do.

My dreams are intense, vivid, and stick with me for days sometimes. Whenever I dream like this I can FEEL that there is something I'm trying to figure out. Or something I'm supposed to be doing, or saying. I need an imprisoned Joseph (Gen. 41) to help me out.  For a long time the hubbs was the one with the death dreams, now it seems we have switched roles. 

I feel itchy, cranky...restless.

I am trying to be quiet, to listen for the things that I need to do or say to alleviate this feeling. To solve a problem that I can feel, but not find.

...Nature girl