Calendars

For some reason, maybe because I looked at a calendar right before falling asleep last night, I've had a phantom calendar at the front of my mind today. I can't seem to let go of the concept of time fitting into little boxes that describe the path of our lives.  A lifetime broken down into years, years into months, months into days, days into hours, all to chronicle the events of our daily lives.

Today was a good morning, you know the kind.  Those mornings where that extra ten minutes that the snooze gives you feels like an hour of blissful bonus time, and when you finally do get up you are charged and ready to go! I filled up my little hour slots with chores and getting ready, eating breakfast, and getting out of the house.  I could see the little time slots filling up as I did the various tasks. I love this kind of morning...it is so rare for me, I'm NOT a morning person and I felt very accomplished.

On the way to work, I passed half a dozen sandpipers and I could imagine the pages of my life calendar flipping backwards to the late 80's early 90's. I always think of sandpipers as my grade school mascot...piper pride! And for me they embody that time in my life, limbs a little too long (long wings and legs), bold and full of curiosity - they may be some of my favorite birds.

I can feel that this is going to be my day for remembering.  I feel nostalgic, like my brain is trying to make connections across my lifetime, flipping pages to connect two points in time.  

There are two birthdays in my sphere today.  One of a friend I have known more than half of my life, she is dynamic, and pushes herself to discover. The other has a life in flux, changing and morphing, forging a new path. Their paths are not mine, but in thinking of their spots on the calendar pages, I think of their personalities. They are a marker and a push for me today, to get out of my comfort zone, take risks and change! 

Every time I think of them, especially at this time of year, I experience this need to break form...expand who I am. I feel like the margins on my metaphorical calendar are full of things I want to do, need to do, or dream of having.  But very few of those things are written into the little boxes of my life - past, present, OR future. Looking at my actual calendar is a little demoralizing. It seems so empty for the life I am leading, and the life I want. It seems to be difficult to just start filling in the little boxes with new things, even scary.

There is a man here with a grocery cart full of signs, he's called "The Sign Guy".  I don't know if he has a job other than the signs, but I see him all over the place.  His signs are affirmations and encouragments of all varieties, "Be Happy", "Be the light you want to see in the world", "SMILE!", and on and on! I don't know what made him decide on a crusade of joy, but I long for his courage to commit to a thought and see it through. He is filling his calendar days and moments with smiles for other people.  I wonder how he see's his life? Does he see little boxes?

...Nature girl

Good 'old days

My Mom used to tell me that I was born into the wrong generation.

In kindergarten and first grade, I went through a cowgirl phase...complete with a denim skirt. In fourth grade all I wanted to wear was poodle skirts and pig tails. I came back around to western with a long denim skirt of Mom's and plaid in fifth or sixth grade. But when it was time for me to have my own style I picked the timeless style details like the boat neck collars, sundresses, and pinstripes.

Truly, I think that anywhere between 1940 and 1960 is where I would feel right at home.

Today at work I am having one of those moments where it doesn't matter what comes on the radio...I  hate it.  In desperation, I turned to trusty Pandora. Fun....nope, P!nk....nope...classical...nope!  I even tried Vampire Weekend and Neon Trees, which are usually slam dunks to put a smile on my face...nope.

Long story short...Standards was the winner. No idea why that was the button today, but as soon as it came on with Ms. Ella Fitzgerald singing "Summertime" my entire mood changed!  Now I'm calm, relaxed, and I feel right at home.

I'm convinced that standards are the cure for all ills.  It is a genre full of creativity, life and...well...verve! These artists are the real deal!  They are great performers, and intensely skilled in writing as well as executing their particular gift (singing, brass, piano ect.).  Today's popular music just can't hold a candle to the greats like Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Dean Martin, Etta James and Nat King Cole.

Now that's not to imply that I don't like, or appreciate, modern popular music - I love Fun. and P!nk, and all the others that I mentioned! But to soothe my restless soul, there is nothing like music from the good old days.

...Nature girl

In the weeds

It's a funny phrase isn't it... "in the weeds".

Yesterday was a strange day. One of those days where you wake up feeling great, and energized, and ready to tackle the day.  Then, 5 minutes in, it feels like a giant sat on you.

In an attempt to recover from my metaphorical squashing, I spent a little time out on the lanai trying to rehab my one day garden.  Right now it looks like this:

It is small, and full of weeds, but one day it will be a lovely lawn for the pup (hopefully before he gets here the end of next month)...maybe. One of the big obstacles is the cement grid that the owner put down.  In order to get the weeds out, I have to weed each one of the little squares, one at a time. Now this would not be so much of an issue but I have to sit in the weeds, or kneel on a pad and bend over to pull them out, and my back strongly objects!

So as I was sitting in the weeds, pulling one little square at a time, I thought to myself "I am living out the phrase!". Faced with a giant task, a broken trowel (damn you plastic tool!!), and down to only a weed puller and my bare hands I started to laugh. My life seemed oddly poetic for a moment.

Then I realized I was sitting in weeds, barefoot, with dirt smearing my legs and ants starting to crawl on me....eew.

I gave up for the time, but suddenly I am really looking forward to soaking the ground and getting back into the weeds...I think that makes me crazy...and it will have to wait until Sunday.  Will I be breaking the Sabbath or is gardening an approved task?  Ah well, a topic for another time.

...Nature girl

"What's with today, today?"

You know it's going to be a weird day when the first think you think in the morning is:

"Please God, don't let me be bored."

It's like praying for patience (Mrs. B said that's how she got her second child), or an exciting life, or to find treasure...somehow you never get quite what you were meaning.

It's a gloomy day in paradise today, and people are quickly going about their day, walking past my windows, full of purpose.  I, on the other hand, am calmly sitting at my desk waiting for their day to intersect with mine.

Now, it's always a crap shoot when I am left to my own devices on days like this. I usually end up haunting iTunes, or cruising You Tube and I can't really say that today is different.  People either look at me with complete understanding, or like I've grown a second head when I try to explain the black hole that both of these become - I like to call it iTunes/YouTube hell.

Say you start with this...my favorite Muppet video.

But somehow...you end up here...

This is YouTube hell.  It's kinda fun once you get used to it, but you never get quite what you wanted.  I was going for lighthearted cartoons...kid stuff...how did this happen?  What's with today?

...Nature girl