Calendars

For some reason, maybe because I looked at a calendar right before falling asleep last night, I've had a phantom calendar at the front of my mind today. I can't seem to let go of the concept of time fitting into little boxes that describe the path of our lives.  A lifetime broken down into years, years into months, months into days, days into hours, all to chronicle the events of our daily lives.

Today was a good morning, you know the kind.  Those mornings where that extra ten minutes that the snooze gives you feels like an hour of blissful bonus time, and when you finally do get up you are charged and ready to go! I filled up my little hour slots with chores and getting ready, eating breakfast, and getting out of the house.  I could see the little time slots filling up as I did the various tasks. I love this kind of morning...it is so rare for me, I'm NOT a morning person and I felt very accomplished.

On the way to work, I passed half a dozen sandpipers and I could imagine the pages of my life calendar flipping backwards to the late 80's early 90's. I always think of sandpipers as my grade school mascot...piper pride! And for me they embody that time in my life, limbs a little too long (long wings and legs), bold and full of curiosity - they may be some of my favorite birds.

I can feel that this is going to be my day for remembering.  I feel nostalgic, like my brain is trying to make connections across my lifetime, flipping pages to connect two points in time.  

There are two birthdays in my sphere today.  One of a friend I have known more than half of my life, she is dynamic, and pushes herself to discover. The other has a life in flux, changing and morphing, forging a new path. Their paths are not mine, but in thinking of their spots on the calendar pages, I think of their personalities. They are a marker and a push for me today, to get out of my comfort zone, take risks and change! 

Every time I think of them, especially at this time of year, I experience this need to break form...expand who I am. I feel like the margins on my metaphorical calendar are full of things I want to do, need to do, or dream of having.  But very few of those things are written into the little boxes of my life - past, present, OR future. Looking at my actual calendar is a little demoralizing. It seems so empty for the life I am leading, and the life I want. It seems to be difficult to just start filling in the little boxes with new things, even scary.

There is a man here with a grocery cart full of signs, he's called "The Sign Guy".  I don't know if he has a job other than the signs, but I see him all over the place.  His signs are affirmations and encouragments of all varieties, "Be Happy", "Be the light you want to see in the world", "SMILE!", and on and on! I don't know what made him decide on a crusade of joy, but I long for his courage to commit to a thought and see it through. He is filling his calendar days and moments with smiles for other people.  I wonder how he see's his life? Does he see little boxes?

...Nature girl